


Waves

by Aliea



Series: for you to live [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Beaches, M/M, Waves, of course there is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:43:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6180616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aliea/pseuds/Aliea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One year on from Ja's death and John needs time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waves

**Author's Note:**

> So i went to the beach today and it was cold, grey and the sea was rough and awesome and of course all I saw was John stood staring out into the water and this story came to me.
> 
> Its set around four months after the end of For You To Live and though John and Sherlock are together, things are still not perfect between the two of them.

Waves crashed hard against the sand, the wind whipping it up into a foam and the spray was a welcome wetness to John’s face.

He stood with his hand delved deeply in his pockets, his jacket pulled up around his neck and his blue eyes just looking out at the water without really taking it all in.

In the last week he had taken to not shaving and his hair was a mess as the wind blew threw it unchecked. He made a striking figure against the waves, dressed mostly all in black and just staring.

He stood for the longest time, not feeling the cold, not feeling the wind, the only thing that registered was when someone came to stand next to him. Slowly letting out a breath he closed his eyes and clenched his fists within his pockets as his head lowered.

“I told you not to come.” He finally said as he lifted his head back up and opened his eyes. “I told you not to follow me.”

“I waited.” The baritone voice answered.

“You should have waited longer.”

“John-“

“No.” He shook his head and started to walk away, but Sherlock stopped him, grabbing his arm and pulling John against him so that John’s back was to his chest.

“John, please.”

“Sherlock, let go…now.” John’s voice was low, steady and extremely dangerous.

Sherlock slowly let go of John’s arm but John didn’t move, he stayed with his back against the man behind him.

The waves continued to crash, to foam, to spray them both but neither of them cared.

“Two years ago I kissed Jason for the first time. Two years ago I allowed myself the chance to have something, to have someone and then a year ago today he died.” John lowered his head again before allowing his leg to give out and lean against Sherlock who wrapped his arm easily around his waist and just held on.

“Where is your…you didn’t bring it?”

“I woke up and I could walk, no pain, no nothing. So I took advantage of it.” John lent his head back and looked up at the rolling clouds above them as tears started to roll down his face.

“Where are you staying?”

“Hotel.” John said smiling, though he didn’t know why.

“Not funny John.”

“No, the place I’m staying, it is called Hotel.”

“Oh.” Sherlock huffed out a laugh and lowered his head burying his nose in John’s hair.

John lent his head more against Sherlock’s face and sighed.

“Why did you come?”

“I couldn’t…” Sherlock paused his grip tightening. “I knew why you left, I knew you needed to get out of London, to get away from everything, from me. But I couldn’t.”

Slowly John turned in Sherlock’s arms and just lent his head against the belfast covered chest as more tears started to fall. Sherlock rested his head atop John’s his gloved hand holding the back of John’s neck.

“John, you loved Ja and until you admit to that then…then it will never stop, you will never move on.”

John’s hands tightened on Sherlock coat, grasping the material as he lets out a small sob.

“It’s okay John.”

“No.” John shook his head against Sherlock’s chest. “I didn’t, I never allowed myself.”

“John, you can love me, and you can love him.”

“I can’t.” John pulled back from Sherlock and slowly started to make his way across the sand.

“John!”

John turned and held Sherlock still with a look.

“I left because I needed to be alone, I need this time to…to grieve, to mourn. What right do you have to come?”

“I don’t, I have no right to anything, only to what you give.”

“Don’t! Don’t do that, don’t throw that at me, not today!” More tears fell as his voice broke on the last two words. “God damn it!”

Sherlock stood still, wanting nothing more than to pull John back to him, to hold him, but to do so would undoubtedly cause even more upset to the man currently struggling with his emotions.

“It’s been months, months of cases, of dinners, of tea, of talking, of kissing, of everything. Months of being yours once again, but still I can’t stop a part of me hating you!” John closed his eyes then his hand covering his mouth as though he wished he hadn’t said what had just left his lips. “I can’t, not today, not this week. Go home Sherlock, go home, solve a case and I will be back before you know it.”

“Okay.” Sherlock’s voice was quiet boarding on a whisper and it hit John harder than any bullet.

Looking up he found Sherlock stood with his hands behind his back and his head dropped, his eyes looking down at the sand.

“Sherlock.” John limped the few steps between them his hands going to the pale face lifting it. “We knew this would be hard, and I’m…I’m sorry I’m struggling but please, please just understand.”

“I do understand.” Sherlock covered John’s hands with his own and lent his forehead against the blonds. “I’ll be at home…at Bakerstreet.”

“Thank you.” John whispered and lent up to gently press a kiss to Sherlock’s lips before turning and walking across the sand leaving Sherlock alone with the waves.


End file.
